It's been almost 3 months since my last (5th) IUI. Since the result was negative I made my first appt. w/the IVF specialist (appt. is in July). Part of me is still in denial about it, while the other part wish we could get the "ball" rolling for IVF already, unfortunately we won't be able to afford that anytime soon =(. In September of this year it will be 3 years since I stopped the pill and thought I was going to be pregnant 3-6 months after that...ha, to be so ignorant! Now 32 months later, 5 failed IUI's later, lots of tears and a much broken heart I STILL want to be a MOMMY! Still day dream about the day I get to hold my baby for the first time, or get to listen to his/hers little heartbeat...I even get teary just thinking about it.
A few days ago J. and I were talking and he mentioned what was of his biggest fears in life (I wont say it) then I told him mine, which is that I won't ever get to be a mom. However, I'm fighting that fear by dismissing it as soon as it sneaks into my mind, more than once. I'm also trying to be positive & hopeful, which I admit its easier some days than others.
