Photos =)

These are from the past 2 wks.


I made this tutu =)

Words and thoughts...

I found another infertile's blog and not to my surprise we have a lot of things or thoughts in common. She posted a list of confessions of things that have to do w/infertility and I agree/ feel the same way about most of them...so here they are:

~ Sometimes, I’m really not all that happy for people when they are pregnant. Sometimes I truly am... but yeah... sometimes, not so much.


~ When I see pregnant women, I get so jealous of them that I hate myself for it.

~ I feel guilty for even thinking the previous statement. I really do =(

~ I’ve started to avoid good friends who have children simply because they don’t understand what I’m going through. (I haven't done this, but might)
~ I hate, yes, HATE, any celebrity who is pregnant regardless of whatever issues they’ve had. They have money, they are attractive, and they could have a baby any way they want: surrogate, 100 IVF’s, adoption or a time-share kid if they so choose.

~ I can’t even watch commercials having to do with diapers, pregnancy tests, baby products, or toys.


~ Sometimes it feels like I am doing my best to act “normal” almost 75% of the time these days.

Songs that used to inspire me before past fertility treatments (JUST HAVEN’T MET YOU YET by Michael Buble), I now can’t even listen to as they are associated with failed cycles. (I cried last time I heard it)

~ I ask myself ‘Why me?’ more often than I can count.


~ I feel like I’m being punished.

~ Sometimes it scares me how angry I get at the entire world.

~ I’m mad at myself for not majoring in something more lucrative. For realz =(

~ I always wake up with the thought and hope that I will stay strong and positive and some days, I fail miserably.

So there it is...it maybe selfish, but it helps a bit to know someone it's going through the same thing and really understand it, even if you don't know them and they don't know you. At the same time it sucks that someone else has to deal w/this crap because you know how much it hurts =(

Wordless Wednesday

Defeated

That's how I feel. I've been fighting that feeling since last week. I think for tonight I'll just give into it. I can't speak for every person out there fighting against infertility, but for me this is an everyday battle. Some days are easier than others. Some days I feel okay, hopeful and patiently await the arrival of our little one (who will hopefully come). Other days I feel nostalgic,sad, as if I'm missing someone that should've already been here. Usually on the sad days, I'm not just sad, but also feel frustrated, negative and upset. It's been almost 3 years since we started this journey and to be honest I never thought it was going to be such long road. We don't know when our baby miracle is gonna come...or if it will come, but I like to think someday he/she will and all of this pain and sadness will just seem like a bump on the road. A bump we'll overcome I hope.
For tonight I'll let the emptiness fill me, tomorrow I'll get up and keep fighting.

Family, photos & family.

This weekend I got a chance to take some photos. I took some of my nieces and finally got a chance to take photos an almost newborn.
This little one just turned 1 month old =)

Natural sun flare, yay!




My nieces w/their mom =)