Past 2 weeks...

I've had ups and downs the past weeks. I only used my camera 2 twice in almost 20 days =( and have been feeling more down than in the past months. Besides the usual desire/need to become a mom, I think it's because I'll be turning 30 in a few days, and honestly speaking I don't feel ready. Of course there's nothing I can do about it, and I know 30 it's not old (or really old), but it still feels off. The main reason I think it's because I always thought that by the time I turned 30 I would be a mom of 1-2 kids...(that was around the time I was in my early 20's). Then when we had been trying for 1 year and discovered we had infertility issues (I was 27 then) I thought that by 30 we would at least have 1 baby. =( Last year, before turning 29, I wished, hoped and prayed, that by the time I turned 30 I would at least be pregnant and here I am now, 1 week before the big 30 and no pregnancy yet. I'm scared (and sad/mad), but not giving up, definitively not doing that!!!