Home made camera bag...

not as nice as I hope it would be turn out, but still cheaper than buying (a camera bag/purse).

Cupcakes, slippers and scrabble

This past weekend my 2 oldest nieces came over for a sleepover. We had dinner, play scrabble, and made cupcakes. It was nice having them over =)

Goodbye 2010...

just hoping 2011 will be our year for a BFP (baby miracle)...this might be TMI, but since today I started spotting let me mention that every time I open a package of pads I hope/wish is the last one for a good 9 months. Therefore, I just keep wishing and hoping that soon it will be our turn.
Something that I realized is that in this past year (2010) I found out (without even trying) of about 10-12 pregnancies of people I know. From those pregnancies I can say for sure at least 5 were not planned (heard it from the pregnant ladies themselves)...so yeah, 2010 wasn't the great in the aspect.
Another thing that I'm really hoping for is that soon in the coming year J can find a stable job...really, it about time for that too!
So since I don't want to complain anymore and yes I know the year could have been worse, I'm done with this post, bye!

A nice day w/the girls...

my nieces...H, N and M =) We went out to have brunch, then to the book store. I'm glad they like reading, maybe they got it from me, since I don't recall seeing either of there parents being big readers. After the book store we just walked around and it was nice =) oh then made a quick run to wally.

Not a good day

today was definitely not a good day. First, a co-worker mentioned that she thought I didn't like kids because I don't have any. Well, excuse me...so now a days not having a child = not liking kids? Seriously, sometimes it amazes me how people can open their mouths w/out thinking. And what do you said to a comment like that? I mean, I could have said that after over 2 years of trying we still not giving up. I could have added about the 4 failed IUI's share my experience of how I can inject myself in the stomach, plus recommend which way is easier to insert a vaginal progesterone suppository. Maybe add about the joys of getting a negative every month, but no. I just said, I do like kids, it just hasn't happen yet...
To add to my joyous day, a FB friend announced her pregnancy, good for her, really, I just wish I had not seen that today.
Maybe I'm just becoming bitter, but w/every month it doesn't get easier...it's the opposite. FUIF!

In my wish list: The Kelly Moore Bag

ever since I saw this Kelly Moore Bag (camera bags)I've been dreaming of having one.
This is the link, check it out and you'll see why I want (really) http://kellymoorebag.com/ Even though I'm just learning the basics of photography I've already learn that a good camera bag is a must! These Kelly Moore bags are not only are practical to carry your camera/lens, but are also are way nicer looking than a regular (boring) camera bag...they look stylish and comfortable...I really can't wait to have, this one to be exact:

Wordless Wednesday

(2 hrs in advance =)





My cute nieces, who most of the time don't mind me and my camera =P

Our journey...so far

Aug. 2008 * Took last pack of BCP (pill)
Sep. 2008 * Officially started TTC
Feb. 2009 * Started chartting
June 2009 * Went to see GYN after 4 months of annovolation (not ovulating)
Jul. 2009 * GYN referred me to the RE/ First RE appt.
Aug. 2009 * Started Clomid
Sept.2009 * Got big cyst from Clomid/ Had a cyst aspiration/ 1 year TTC anniversary
Nov. 2009 * Started Femara and TI (timed intercourse)
Mar. 2010 * IUI#1 using Femara+ Ovidrel (after 4 cycles of Femara and TI)
Apr. 2010 * IUI#2 using Bravelle+ Ovidrel (injectables)
May 2010 * Forced break due to cysts
June 2010 * IUI#3 cancelled due to poor follicle responce (used Bravelle+ Ovidrel)
Aug. 2010 * IUI#3 using Bravelle+ Ovidrel (increased dose)
Sep. 2010 * Another forced break due to cysts/ 2nd year TTC anniversary =(
Oct. 2010 * IUI#4 on Bravelle+Citrotide+Ovidrel+Prometrium
Nov. 2010 * Taking a voluntary TTC break to give body, mind and heart a break.
However, NOT GIVING UP.
Still hoping and praying that one day we'll have our baby!

joy

Starlight Joy Christmas 5x7 folded card

Make a statement with custom Christmas cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Wordless Wednesday

Another negative...

so IUI#4 was another fail. Even though I kept reminding my self not to get my hopes up, at the end when I called to get the beta results and was told it was negative (again)my heart broke. It's so freaking frustrating, upsetting and unfair. I plan to take this month off, just to give my mind, heart and body a break. Also there's a big chance I have at least 1 cyst left after another cycle of follitism.
I cried and now I feel a bit numb. As I was laying down I came up w/several reasons (although there's way more) why infertility sucks:
* sucks out the fun of baby making
* sucks out couples wallets (specially if your ins. doesn't cover IVF or don't have ins)
* sucks/takes your self steam
* sucks out the fun of baby showers or passing by the baby dept when shopping
Those are just a few reasons I'm sure many people can come out w/many more.

Wordless Wednesday

Here we go again...

we are doing IUI #4 this coming Friday. I'm feeling both hopeful and nervous at the same time. Hopeful because this time we added Citrotide which basically helps to prevent me from ovulating too soon and therefore instead of just having 1 follicle, I'm hoping to end up w/3. However, I'm nervous because since this is IUI #4, I'm not sure my RE will let me do another one if this one doesn't work. In the past cycles they (RE office) has asked me if we have consider IVF. I also know that usually after 2-4 failed IUIs people move to IVF. And trust me, if money was an issue, we would gladly move to IVF next cycle (if we had to of course). Unfortunately, $ is an issue, and that sucks...a lot!

For now, I'll just try to be positive and hopeful. I like to believe miracles still happen.

It's been 3 years

since we said I do!

 

 

 

 

I love my husband!...hoping many more years to come.

Just a thought...

I keep telling my self not to lose hope, although in reality is much easier said than done.I constantly wonder if I'll ever get to know what it's like having a little life inside me or hearing that heart beat for the first time. Although, it scares me to think it'll never happen, I don't want it not to happen because I gave up.

Probably late here

but whenever I listen to "Haven't met you yet" by Michael Buble I can't help but to think of our (hopefully soon) future baby. I admit, I actually have 4 songs (so far) that make me think of our future baby. Most likely these songs were written for a significant other/romantic person. However, for me and probably for many others, struggling w/infertility these have taken a different direction.
So my list so far is: I knew I loved you, by Savage Garden
I don't want to miss a thing, by Aerosmith
Haven't met you yet, by Michael Buble (I know I mentioned it earlier)
Todo cambio, by Camila (in spanish)
* an old pic. with some of my fav. lyrics.

Random photos

So last night we had a "harvest moon" and I tried to take some pics. Unfortunately, I have a lot things to learn (photography) and also my lens are not the best, so yeah...

What keeps us going:

and because I was bored and I had not used my camera in a while:

Infertility sucks!

and today is one of those days when it does extra =( Maybe, it's because this cycle we don't even get to try. Maybe because this month it's officially 2 years or 24 months since we started TTC, or because there's 2 baby showers happening @ work next week. Or it's all of the above. I've heard "a picture says 1,000 words" so here's 3,000:

Keep trying...

That's what I tell my self every time a cycle ends and I'm not pregnant. I was supposed to test (pregnancy) this coming Saturday, but I guess AF decided to not let me have anymore hopes for this cycle and came 5 days early =( I feel upset/sad and disappointed. Like always, I tell my self to not get my hopes to high up, but I guess I always do because at the end when it's another BFN or AF gets here I cry. Today, I went in for my baseline scan and it turns out I have 3 cysts, even though they were not too big the RN did say that they might have an impact on how my follicles responded to the meds. So, I decided to wait or take a treatment free cycle and give those cysts a chance to go away. Also, it's a break from the stress and emotional roller coaster that TTC is.
I was doing fine, or at least I thought that until a couple that was standing next to me (while I waited for my follow-up instructions) was handed their first pregnancy ultrasound...Yep, I even saw it when the MA gave it to them and said what it was. Right after I was able to leave and of course had to hold tears from the elevator to my car. I just hope one day we get to have our first pregnancy ultrasound too.
To make my self feel a bit better I got a new book that just came out yesterday, I had waited for a while:

10 days to go...

So today is 5 days past ovulation/past IUI#3. I'm supposed to test on the 28th, but I decided I'm waiting and extra day, 8/29/10. I just hate being disappointed and I'm scare of testing =( . Of course I'm hoping and praying for the best(a BFP) and I go back and forth from being positive and hopeful to getting mad at my self for getting my hopes to high. Also having "phantom symptoms" doesn't help much. I've been having breast tenderness for the past 6 days, so most likely is just a late side effect from bravelle. Today for about 2hrs I have cramps on and off. Maybe it's just wishful thinking...=/
Yesterday I went to Ross and passed the baby area and I refused to look @ the baby stuff, this might some dumb, but I don't want to jinx my self. This 2 wks of waiting are driving me crazy...

And the waiting begins...

Today IUI#3 was done and now we wait. I know the next 2 weeks are going to be nerve raking, but I'm gonna try to stress as less possible. J's numbers were better than the last 2 IUIs so that made me feel better. Like always, hoping and praying this is IT!

Finally moving on...

So after almost 3 months of waiting and wanting to move onto IUI#3 I finally got the okay from my RE today. I started Bravelle (injections) last Friday and today (cd#9) I was told to do the trigger shot tonight and the IUI is schedule for this Saturday @ 11:40am. I'm really happy that this time my body responded better to the treatment. Last time I did injections I was on 150 units, this time I did 225units for 5 days and 150 for two. Like always, I'm really hoping and praying that this will be It and that 2 weeks from this coming Saturday we'll get our BFP.
I can't wait to be mom and just hope and pray it'll happen one day (soon).

One of those days, or nights

When I'm feeling all down and depressed. I keep telling my self to remain positive and that sooner or later J and I will have our little miracle, but still there's days like today that I feel almost defeated/upset and sad. I see on the infertility board that I go to that a lot of the ladies that started TTC around the time we did are now finally pregnant and while part of me is happy for their blessing, part of me wonder if I'm ever gonna be able to see those two beautiful 2 pink lines. I feel mad at my self and frustrated that this cycle was a total loss and we basically wasted it. We were supposed to go out of town for a few days during my vacation, therefore I didn't go to get a baseline scan or RX's since I figure the RE wouldn't want to put me on meds if I was not going to be around for 6 days. Well, at the last minute we had to cancel our vacation and by then it was cycle day 8, too late to start treatment =( Now I'm cd#24 and hoping I get AF w/in 1 wk, if not I have to call and get provera and it'll be at least 10 days from there til I get AF and be able to start another cycle and hopefully treatment for IUI#3.
This September will be 2 years/ or 24 months/ 22 cycles of TTC. I'm really hoping and praying we'll get pg before that, but since the past 3 months have been "standing still almost mode" I'm not getting my hopes too high up...Will it be too much to ask to be finally conceive before this year ends??
Don't mean to just complain/vent, but part of me just wants to crawl to my bed and cry...a lot.

Just more random pics...because I need to practice

a lot!





these were all taken in manual setting, so...yeah =P

Finally setting the camera on manual =)

Just starting so I have like a million things to learn...